so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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