i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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