Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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