I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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