have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
