I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
