Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
