hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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