but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
