Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
