Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
