Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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