i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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