so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
