bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
