Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
