How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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