I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
