you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
