I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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