I will die if light touches me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
