I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
