At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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