Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
