Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
