Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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