You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
