is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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