you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
