Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
