another moral hangover. fuck.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Randomize
