another moral hangover. fuck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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