What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
