So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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