I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
