anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
