hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
