I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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