Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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