I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
A bitchslap is in order.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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