I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
