The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
