I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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