the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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