And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
