So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
