you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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