It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
