I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
