Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
