he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
